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Not Near the Order of the Nefarious Mass

Date: 26-Oct-2009/11:04+3:00

Tags: , , , ,

Characters: me, girl

I was on a toilet in a bathroom that seemed to have several flooding issues (flooding sink, leaking bathtub). For some reason I was looking at an iPhone. It had a feature where you could ask it to visualize where you'd been spending most of your time... e.g. it kept a log on the GPS.
Curious, I asked it to show where I had been. It went into a Google-maps type view overhead, and it had broken the map into squares. I realized that the house I was inside had spanned two of the squares, so it was showing me as being in one square for half the time and the other during the other half.
My point of view shifted to where I was still looking at this map, but it was on the back of a girl I was in bed with.
me: "Whoa. Okay. So I guess I should try to read the words on this map on your back. I swear, if other people experienced what I do just once they'd be more impressed that I don't go completely nuts."
I dragged my fingers around and scrolled. She wriggled.
me: "Please hold still."
The house I had been located in was on a street called "Willows". There were other streets nearby called "Nixon" and "Colleen". I scrolled further out and saw something called the "Browbuild Plain".
Note The word was something about brow and buil... the only similar word I could find was an Australian construction company called Brownbuilt... whose "official" website has the puzzling garbage URL http://esvc001447.wic016u.server-web.com/
me: (aloud) "Zoom out more."
The view zoomed out to where I could scroll around on continents. There was a country called "guiseppe calavari" or something like that, but I spun around looking for the US. When I did, it was shown only as a terrain map.
me: "Hmmm. None of the states are broken out, and showns california labeled as the entire west coast."
girl: "You're going to be awfully disappointed if you find out the place you were was near anything other than ONM."
ONM stands for a few things according to the acronym dictionary:
  • ONM Official Nintendo Magazine
  • ONM Optical Network Management
  • ONM Open Network Management
  • ONM Ocmulgee National Monument (Macon, GA)
  • ONM Order of the Nefarious Mass (Satanism)
  • ONM Office of Navy Material
...but wiki suggests only "Official Nintendo Magazine" as significant enough to get an entry.
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copy write %C:/0304-1020 {Met^(00C6)ducation}

The accounts written here are as true as I can manage. While the words are my own, they are not independent creative works of fiction —in any intentional way. Thus I do not consider the material to be protected by anything, other than that you'd have to be crazy to want to try and use it for genuine purposes (much less disingenuous ones!) But who's to say?