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Acid Jones in Training

Date: 23-Nov-2006/5:44+3:00

Tags: , , , ,

Characters: child, me, guys nearby, him, captain

I was involved with a dinner performance on some kind of cruise ship. One part of the act had something to do with noticing when people in the audience resembled a celebrity, and making jokes based on that.
It was apparently required for people to pay $15 for the show--in addition to paying the bill for their meal (with a credit card). When everyone had left, I was walking from table to table grabbing the receipts that read $15. Some of the tables it seemed the people had not paid, and I was upset about this...I confronted someone who looked like a small child about not paying his bill.
child: "I did pay. My receipt is in that phone book."
I snatched the book he was indicating quicker than he must have thought.
me: "If the receipt is in here, show it to me?"
He tried to run away, but I'd grabbed his bag before he could.
me: "Oh I see how it is. Well, if you won't pay, then how about I throw this bag overboard?"
We got in a scuffle and he escaped. Still I had quite a number of receipts, and I went to the captain who would redeem the receipts for some kind of tokens. Unfortunately, when I received my tokens I dropped them and they all morphed into golf balls and other miscellaneous objects. As I was kneeling down to collect a few objects to inquire about, some guys came up behind me and hit me in the back quite hard.
me: (turning angrily) "That hurt. A lot. Do not do it again."
I held up a ball that was changing color from orange to blue.
me: "This ball doesn't stay one color. What makes it change from orange to blue?"
guys nearby: "Minus ten."
Note Their rote response felt a bit like someone who might recite Earth's gravity coefficient as if that explained why things fall to the ground.
me: "Can you be more specific?"
One of them picked up the ball and moved it around in space, and as he moved it around it changed color. Then he threw it against a wall and it changed again.
him: "Both the position in space and what it comes into contact with will change what you see."
me: "All right, but why is it that when I put down a set of objects, and then come back to look at them, there are often fewer objects than I started with? I don't see anyone taking them."
The captain was sitting on a bench and wearing spectacles.
captain: "If you put down a set of objects and came back to pick them up, the maximum you'll be able to pick back up is what you put down. But sometimes you get raffed and they'll go missing."
Note I didn't know the word "raff" but I just looked it up and it has an "obsolete" meaning: "To sweep, snatch, draw, or huddle together; to take by a promiscuous sweep." That's a pretty direct hit.
I introduced myself by my real name and apologized for the fact that I was about waking up.
captain: (excited) "Oh yes, I've heard of you! You're like a Jones in training!"
me: "Jones? Jones who?"
captain: "You know, Acid Jones!"
Note There's an internet user who is into LSD who goes by the handle "Acid Jones", and a Global Wrestling Alliance wrestler named Rick "Acid" Jones. But no one terribly relevant I can find.
The guys who had attacked me in the back tried to attack me again. While fighting I attempted to bite them, and I woke up.
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copy write %C:/0304-1020 {Met^(00C6)ducation}

The accounts written here are as true as I can manage. While the words are my own, they are not independent creative works of fiction —in any intentional way. Thus I do not consider the material to be protected by anything, other than that you'd have to be crazy to want to try and use it for genuine purposes (much less disingenuous ones!) But who's to say?