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A Bad Case of Credit Card Tongue

Date: 27-May-2008/13:35+3:00

Tags: , ,

Characters: me, him, woman, friend

Note This one's not lucid, but...I'm asking questions as I might if it were lucid.
I was shopping at a store and getting several items, including chocolate soy milk and Advil. It was incredibly hard to find the Advil on a wall of products because there were bottles of all shapes and sizes sorted alphabetically, and the number of products with "Advil" in their name was tremendous ("Advilizo", "Advillion") so finding plain old Advil wasn't as easy as I'd have thought. In fact, after a delay in searching I realized there was no Advil on the wall at all, and I found some on a rotating free-standing display. It was being sold in round containers that looked like golf balls.
When I got in line, the cashier was joking around a lot. There was a nervous looking man who asked if he ould go to the front of the line because he had only one item. But the person he asked only had one item, and the person behind him had a couple, and they were mean to him for asking. I told him that if he were in a hurry, he could go in front of me as I was in no particular rush, but pointed out that asking people with as few or nearly as few items as himself didn't make a lot of sense.
me: "Are you in any particular hurry?"
him: "No."
me: "Well, although it doesn't hurt to ask, I'd suggest saving such requests for times when you're in a hurry."
him: (angry) "Can't we just get along, why does everything have to be a fight?"
me: "I wasn't trying to start a fight. I let you in front of me. Also, I said, quote: 'it doesn't hurt to ask'."
When I got up to the front of the line and the cashier ran the credit card, I was waiting for the credit card to be given back. At this point some friends I was with were carrying my bags, not me. The people at the store were puzzling over the card, and a woman came up to me and told me that my purchases triggered award points, and that to get them I needed to show a driver's license.
me: "Ah, you know how much I love it when things I do trigger odd results. Is it a conspiracy? Is someone trying to help me? Who knows! I think I'll give them my license and we'll find out."
At this point, the woman opened her mouth and there was mechanics inside that were a credit card reading slot. I did a double-take, and pointed this out to my friend.
me: "And I love it even more when TOTALLY WEIRD CRAP like meeting a woman with a credit card reader in her mouth. WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?"
woman: "I... hm. I don't know."
I had rifled my ID out of my pocket and was about to give it to her, and one of the friends carrying my grocery bag snapped a photo of it and the circumstance before I handed it over.
me: "Now YOU took a picture, you have to admit that this is all totally suspicious at this point."
friend: (sigh) "No, YOU took that picture. And good work. We knew you weren't the -ope."
me: "Well who is the -ope?"
friend: "Howard Zope."
me: "All right, well am I me yet?!"
friend: (smiling) "Not yet."
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The accounts written here are as true as I can manage. While the words are my own, they are not independent creative works of fiction —in any intentional way. Thus I do not consider the material to be protected by anything, other than that you'd have to be crazy to want to try and use it for genuine purposes (much less disingenuous ones!) But who's to say?