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Stuck in a closet with Angela Lansbury

Date: 22-Mar-2008/13:11+3:00

Tags: , , ,

Characters: me, girl

I had left one room to enter another, which was something like a movie theater. A girl I had known and liked from High School was sitting at the end of the front row. We started talking, and when I sat down she began making out with me.
me: (stopping) "This is very unlikely, and thus just screams 'dream'. What relation does this have to the real person I knew in High School and what she is doing now?"
girl: "I always liked you, I just didn't know how to deal with you."
me: "Okay, well I'm going to leave this room and go look through that door over there to see what amazing things my subconscious has in store for me"
As I walked into the dark industrial area outside, she called after me.
girl: "Don't worry, it's not murder!"
me: (jokingly) "Oh, it's much worse than that. It's 'Murder, She Wrote'. Me and Angela Lansbury trapped together for eternity!"
I was trying to be funny by alluding to Weird Al's song Stuck in a Closet with Vanna White. I'll reprint the lyrics here for those who haven't heard it, as every lyric site has blinking popups:
Doctor, every night I have the strangest dreams
Doctor, listen to me, tell me what this means
First I'm goin' shoppin' in my underwear
Then all of sudden I'm floating in mid air
My lips fall off and everybody starts to stare
Donuts and hot dogs are flying everywhere
Now Doctor, wait a minute, you ain't heard nothin' yet
Next comes the part that I won't ever forget
Now I'm bein' followed by these Russian spies
They give me some velcro, and an order of fries
Suddenly I'm bowling on the Starship Enterprise
I fall down a hole and that's when I realize
I am stuck in a closet with Vanna White
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White
Night after night after night after night
All right!
Doctor, won't you tell me, am I going insane
Was it something I ate or something wrong with my brain
See, I'm naked in church when I meet a dinosaur
Try to run, but my feet have been nailed to the floor
Then a midget pushes me through a revolving door
And I'm back in the very same place I was before
Now I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White
Night after night after night after night
And I can't bust out and I can't break free
And it's gettin' just a little too stuffy here for me
And I can't go home and I can't get loose
And I try to escape but it's just no use
And I can't ever leave and I can't ever win
And we're runnin' outta air and the walls are closin' in
And I can't go back and I can't get through
But Vanna since you're here, why don't you let me buy a vowel from you
Come on Vanna, come on!
Doctor, all those crazy dreams have started again
That's right, I even wake up screaming now and then
See, I'm coming home from work but I forgot my address
I'm half an hour late for my algebra test
Then some slimy alien jumps out of my chest
And I'm falling and falling and I guess you know the rest
...which is pretty much how my life goes, too.
There wasn't much interesting in the new room, I had to climb down a series of ladders and it was as if I was leaving the first floor of a big office building at night. Once I got outside I ended up in a room with a computer, so I tried looking at Google News.
They had a story about a small foiled terrorist plot to do something to Niagara Falls. There was another issue about Britney Spears performing with a clown troupe. I kept trying to find something interesting like science news, but the weather kept popping up. There were some crazy set of dialogs that kept coming up notifying me about Quicktime needing an upgrade. I decided to try and visit one of my own old websites, and when I did I got a bunch of crazy messages about how it was trying to mount the "I:" drive.
More pop-ups started appearing that I at first attributed to being malware of some sort. But as I read the details I saw it was trying to help. It was showing pictures of all the places you needed to look to see if bad software had been installed on your computer. ("Is this icon in your system tray?") This diagnostic was coming from YouTube.com.
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The accounts written here are as true as I can manage. While the words are my own, they are not independent creative works of fiction —in any intentional way. Thus I do not consider the material to be protected by anything, other than that you'd have to be crazy to want to try and use it for genuine purposes (much less disingenuous ones!) But who's to say?