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Extension Machines: Kills Zombies Dead...er

Date: 20-Jul-2009/12:24+3:00

Tags: , , , ,

Characters: receptionist, me, tie man, man

After flying through the sky and reading some documentation about a company called JqQuery, I seemed to be sucked along a track into a large office building which was the JqQuery headquarters. I walked inside, and was stopped at the front desk.
receptionist: "Hey, you can't just walk through there."
me: "We have reason to believe you are operating a splice. Who manufactures the computer you are using, there?"
receptionist: "It's made by Energy Computer."
me: "Have you heard of Intel?"
receptionist: "No."
me: "IBM?"
receptionist: "No."
A few people seated at a table appeared behind me. One of them, a man wearing a brightly colored tie, spoke.
tie man: (pointing) "What kind of disk is that you've got there?"
me: "What are you talking about."
tie man: "No, I was talking to her. Behind you. It's a joke, I want to know why she's taking notes on the paper and not on the computer."
I looked at the secretary and could see that she was writing on a piece of paper that was sitting on top of a small netbook-sized machine. The secretary seemed to start ignoring me, and I was fading out.
me: "Look. I don't... I don't have time. You will listen to what I have to say! PAY ATTENTION! IF I'M HERE IT SPELLS BAD NEWS FOR YOU AND J. Q. QUERY INCORPORATED!"
Not knowing what to do, I knocked over a rack of papers and tried to throw a coffee cup against a wall. The man with the tie knocked over the table he was sitting at, too.
man: (sarcastically) "Well why don't we just knock EVERYTHING over."
me: "Look, this is not right, I was researching JqQuery and saw..."
man: "Come on. You have no idea what you're talking about right now. You probably were just thinking of something, and then it got mashed up...and now you're here knocking things over."
me: "But not knowing about Intel. That's a red flag."
man: "She's an idiot. Everyone's heard of Intel."
me: "And IBM?"
man: "Yes, of course, I've got one of those at home. Lots of people do. The IBM machines are the ones that don't have nudity filters installed on them."
me: "RIGHT THERE! SEE! Look, this is what I'm talking about. You shouldn't be getting hardware with preinstalled 'nudity filters'. Now we have another data point: 'Energy computer'. Heard of it?"
man: "Hmmm. No."
I began to feel very fatigued and like I was going to wake up. We walked out the door, I grabbed onto his tie and he kind of held me up as we walked. It was sunny.
me: "Do you...do this, reality shifting thing?"
man: "Not like you can. But I can do a little. Actually, lately I seem to be doing more."
me: "I don't think I can take this much longer."
man: "No one blames you!"
He paused and looked at a large green machine that seemed to be part tractor trailer, but larger.
man: (grimacing) "Looks like we're getting another extension machine installed."
me: "A what?"
man: "An extension machine."
me: "What's an extension machine?"
man: "It's a weapon. Same kind of thing they use to defend grave-sites, though there are other applications."
me: "Why defend graves?"
man: "Well, it's just another level of the spam problem...zombies. Digging people up, reanimating them. Gets harder to tell what's going on because they pass a lot of casual tests that way."
We walked up to cross a dusty road. He stopped, so I did as well. A green spiked tiger trotted along right in front of us, but didn't seem to care that we were there.
me: "I guess that's... uh... whateverthatwas crossing. I'll yield."
man: "Good idea."
me: "So you mention the complex outgrowths of the spam problem, and I sometimes wonder if that's one of the big reasons that I'm not being actively brought forward into the bigger world. Maybe they think it's just too much for me to handle. But I think ignorance is worse."
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The accounts written here are as true as I can manage. While the words are my own, they are not independent creative works of fiction —in any intentional way. Thus I do not consider the material to be protected by anything, other than that you'd have to be crazy to want to try and use it for genuine purposes (much less disingenuous ones!) But who's to say?